On Learning, Friendship, People, Listening, and Addiction

In Chapter Three of Finding Elizabeth, I learn a great many things. I begin attending school and Sunday School. I experience after school day care at two different providers’ homes. Both are very different. I am bullied for the first time.

Learning for me has been an insatiable drive for most of my life. I dive into subjects and learn as much as I can, formulating questions that drive me to learn how to answer them. I have felt behind in social skills, though, for as long as I can remember. Much of my interactions with other people have driven me toward isolation. I have very few friends to this day. This is a situation that I would like to change, though it is a very scary endeavor.

I’ve known the friends I do have for a long period of time. Three of them I’ve known for more than thirty years. We four are scattered to the winds, but we keep in touch. Sometimes more often than others.

I have been told I am a very good listener. I like to think that this is true. I work hard at it. I repeat back to the communicator what I think I’ve heard, just to be sure I’ve got it right. I remember what I’ve been told, but mostly I just listen.

Throughout my life, many perfect strangers have warmed up to me and told me their life stories, and I listened. Children and elderly people especially seem drawn to me. I ascertain what their needs are and I do what I can to help.

But I can’t forget the drunken strangers. If there’s a drunk person within a mile of where I’m standing, he or she will make a lazy beeline for me and start talking in slurry speech. These people are so drunk that the alcohol is sweating out of their pores. I don’t have anything against them per se, but this does trigger a fear response in me. I believe that both of my adoptive parents were functional alcoholics. I was given wine and water every night with dinner for as long as I can remember. My father had that same sweating out of the pores thing. My mother, thankfully, only ever had wine on her breath alone. The smell of alcohol coming out of the body is the instant trigger that leaves me jumpy inside with fear. I just try to extricate myself from these encounters as quickly and quietly as I can.

I’ve been drunk myself a fair number of times. I don’t drink much these days, however. I’m in remission from Hodgkin’s Lymphoma for going on eleven years. People with Hodgkin’s are not supposed to drink. Even though I’m in remission, I still get the same symptoms when I drink. My skin flushes very hot and I get the sweats very soon after just one drink.

Over the years, I have flirted with addiction myself. But I have been graced with an inner switch that flips up and tells me to stop imbibing whatever substance I inhale or drink. Once that switch is deployed, I stop indulging and I can’t move past that sign. Thank God, because I could easily be addicted to any number of things, and I am addicted to a few. Namely, food, sugar, and cigarettes. I will write more about addiction in the future.

My point was to illustrate that I am not unsympathetic to people with addiction issues or even a little overindulgence. My fear response is a visceral reaction based on past experiences. This makes me cautious and wary around people. As Forest Gump said, that’s all I have to say about that.

#Learning #Friendship #People #Listening #Addiction