On The Shades of Success and Getting Help

This chapter, the final one in Book 1: Survival, details my stay at my new group home, Stepping Stones in Redding, California. This was a truly safe place for me, but it took a little time for me to realize that fact. Any staff who deviate from the program there are fairly quickly removed.

I struggle with school at first, then I am home schooled. Not long after, a new school is opened for the kids at Stepping Stones called North Valley School. At NVS, I thrive.

My father visits me one time, and molests me during the visit. Upon my return to the group home, I declare that I never want to see him again. The staff tell me I do not have to. Not long after, I report everything he ever did to me to the local police.

I fly straight, both at home and at school. Before long, I have a job, too. My plan is to take the California Proficiency Exam and then go to college.

I graduate just before my 16th birthday. My mother attends my graduation and takes me away for a weekend at a nearby resort as a graduation present.

I am allowed to stay the summer at the group home while I wait for college to start. I have already taken a few college classes in the past year, so I know a little of what to expect. This chapter ends with me moving into my college dorm.

If it wasn’t for the fact that Stepping Stones and NVS were staffed with such great people, I would never have succeeded the way I did. I feel that the corporate culture there is really the key to its success. I learned much later in life that Stepping Stones was founded by a man who grew up in an orphanage, and I had the good fortune to meet him. His vision propelled him to make a safe home for hundreds of kids over the years.

I now life a quiet life in which I am immensely happy and content. Former staff have told me that I am a success. I’m not in jail, I’m not addicted to drugs, I’m not in a state mental hospital. This is success, in their book. So be it. My family’s idea of success, however, is more elevated. This is one struggle in my life that I still deal with to this day.

Through my writing and relating the circumstances of my life at each stage of it, I’d like to be able to convey that anything can be overcome, even heaps of abuse. As I’ve said, it took me years of competent counseling to make it through it all. I truly feel as if I am on the other side of the effects of all that abuse to this day.

This is not to say that I don’t have my struggles. I have manic episodes at times, but I know the signs to look for and I have medication to combat them. I have psychotic episodes from time to time, but it’s been three years or more since my last one. Depression is the main psychological effect that I deal with most often. It can take me several weeks to figure out that I am dealing with a bout of depression. I have learned some techniques over time to combat this, and they work very well, even if I don’t catch myself early.

The strategies that work best for me to combat depression are born out of mindfulness and the specialty of my current counselor, which is called IFS. IFS stands for Internal Family Systems. This is a way of working with yourself and your “parts” to facilitate healing with your inner self. This works wonders for me. I have worked with it enough to be able to do a form of it on my own now. My current counseling goal is not to need it anymore. I finally can see this as a real possibility. Any good counselor sees him or herself as ultimately obsolete, and my counselor is no exception.

If you (or a family member or friend) are having problems, I highly recommend that you find yourself some help. If you don’t know where to find that help, start with your primary care physician and work out from there. Your doctor should be able to point you in the right direction. If not, start working through the phone book or Google it. The right help at the right time can make all the difference in the world.