On Summer Camp, Stranger Danger, and Mental Health

In this chapter, I move with my parents to La Jolla, California when I am eight years old. We undertake a road trip to get there. After the move, we go to visit my father’s family in Chatsworth, California. My mother’s mother comes to visit from L.A.

At home, my father molests me for the first time. At school, I am tested academically and I score high enough to be placed in the GATE or Gifted and Talented Education program to begin in the following school year. I find a best friend, Vito.

Shortly after my ninth birthday, I fly back to Colorado on my first plane ride by myself. I attend camp as an overnighter for two terms, and a ten-day rafting trip. I return from camp with a serious illness that spread like wildfire throughout the rafting group. I am rushed to the hospital by my parents. I survive.

I attend third grade in the new GATE program. I am placed in a special reading group for advanced readers. Vito and I continue our friendship. We are both in the same class. Vito is filipino. Vito excels in math, but I do not.

I think summer camp is a great way for kids to establish independence and confidence in new abilities that they discover alongside other kids. I also think that, as parents, there is a best way to send your kids to camp. The best way, I think, is to make sure that all camp employees are vetted with background checks and clearances. Besides that, what does the camp offer for your kids? Does your child have interests that coincide with what the camp offers? Finally, is your child or children well versed in what to do if he/she is abused in some way? The stranger danger talk takes on a new meaning and should be expanded here, because people at camp are not strangers, per se.

In my case, I think I would have benefitted by expanded stranger danger talks, but this never happened for me. I don’t remember my mother ever having any version of the stranger danger talk with me at all. I’m sure I would have benefitted from that talk. If I had children, I would begin the talk very young. This would be at an age-appropriate level, of course. I would begin at toddlerhood when he/she is able to speak. I would have the talk often throughout their childhood, giving them plenty of opportunities to tell me what is going on in their lives. I believe it’s best to err on the side of caution with this issue, to minimize any chance of abuse happening to my children. In the event something does happen, I want them to have no problem telling me about it, and every opportunity to do so.

It’s important, I think, to emphasize here that if something does happen to my children, I would waste no time reporting it right away. If I had any doubts, I would let the authorities figure it out. I would also take my kids in to age-appropriate counseling for as long as they need it. You might be surprised at how young counseling can start for your child. All this should happen as quickly as possible.

In my case, the first time I was abused was at four years old, by the son of a family friend and a friend of his, while my mother was talking with his mother several feet away. The boys were both in their teens at the time. The event was so traumatic that I kept the secret even from myself for many years. When at last I told my mother in my twenties about it, she discussed the matter with the mother of this friend. She said that her son was always “sexually precocious.” When my mother told me this over the phone, I was understandably extremely upset. To this day, I have no words for the injustice of it all.

That boy was not a stranger, but he and his friend abused me. I don’t know if I showed any signs of that abuse. My mother was a psychiatric nurse, so I’m sure she knew about those signs. I didn’t get to speak about this to her before her death, which was predicated by a long battle with vascular dementia. I know that after the original incident, I had trouble sleeping at night and I would roam the house in the dark on my own. Yes, I did get into a little bit of trouble doing this. My parents never knew about it.

My trouble sleeping at night continues to this day. During especially rough patches, the insomnia can predicate psychotic episodes. I haven’t had a psychotic episode in a few years, thank God, but I am wary of the possibility. The insomnia is usually my first sign that I am headed for a hypo manic state. Hypo mania is similar to mania in symptoms but without the "high" or euphoria that people with Bipolar Disorder experience. I suffer from Bipolar II, which means that the mental health condition is secondary to a different, main, diagnosis. I am currently treated by my psychiatrist for Schizophrenia, the main diagnosis, and Bipolar II. I have since been diagnosed with Major Depression with Psychotic Features. In addition, my counselor is of the opinion that I have PTSD, and I agree with him.

The psychiatrist that diagnosed my Schizophrenia explained to me that there are people who are fine the majority of the time, but that certain triggers can bring on a psychotic state. I fall into the Schizophrenia realm by virtue of the fact that I can, at times, hear voices and I don’t know where they come from. This is called thought insertion.

I started hearing voices in my early teens after years of sexual abuse. I was not sleeping at night very often at all. I was in an almost perpetual state of hypervigilance. The definition of hypervigilance is an enhanced state of sensory sensitivity accompanied by an exaggerated intensity of behaviors whose purpose is to detect threats, according to Wikipedia. My insomnia at the time was definitely exaggerated. I couldn’t sleep for more than a few minutes, if at all, for several nights at a time. This happened even when I wasn’t in any immediate danger. I felt at the time that nowhere was safe.

My counselor at the time of the diagnosis helped me to figure out that the voices ultimately come from stress, that stress is my trigger. When I have too many stressors, I lose sleep. Without treatment, this can give rise to a manic episode and, eventually, a psychotic episode.

Psychotic episodes, for me, can last for a prolonged amount of time to a very short time. One of the last ones that I had lasted only a few minutes. I thought al-Qaeda was talking to me through the TV. To this day, I swear that the M&Ms in the commercial were talking in Arabic directly to me. They weren’t, but I sure thought they were.

Now I have an as needed medication that is an extra dose of the antipsychotic that I regularly take. It always puts me to sleep. This way, I can avoid or suppress a manic episode and with it, a psychotic episode.

I hope that this level of honesty hasn’t put my readers off. It is intended, here, to illustrate the link between untreated abuse and mental illness. It is also intended to show that mental illness is highly treatable. It just takes the affected person to seek out the help. In my case, this currently includes monthly visits with a psychiatrist and weekly sessions with a qualified therapist that specializes in treating those people affected by trauma.

If you suspect that a person you know or yourself suffers from a mental illness, do your best to seek out help. Contact your local mental health center and do what it takes to get treatment. It can make all the difference in the world.

#StrangerDanger #SummerCamp